Here's how my day typically starts: at 6 A.M., I rise with a clear list of tasks and reminders that I've meticulously organized. I sit down, ready to tackle the day with precision and determination. But, as often happens, distractions begin to creep in.
A hawk catches my eye outside my window as it swoops to capture its prey. My wife stirs awake, prompting me to share a joke with her. And then, like clockwork, the temptation to check social media beckons—Instagram, TikTok, YouTube—all vying for my attention.
As I glance around the room, my thoughts wander to the disarray of my book collection. Perhaps I should take a moment to tidy up? But wait, there's the allure of a leisurely walk to the diner for a breakfast burrito, accompanied by a refreshing glass of orange juice and a steaming cup of coffee. Or maybe I should opt for pancakes instead? But no, I remind myself sternly, that I have a schedule to adhere to. I must focus on the task at hand, the assignment for Esquire magazine.
Welcome to year 43 of navigating life with ADHD. Despite reaching middle age, I still grapple with the challenges of this neurodevelopmental disorder, relying on medication to help me navigate the daily chaos. It's a reality I often feel reluctant to admit, even as society glamorizes and trivializes ADHD with superficial portrayals and false promises of quick fixes.
My journey with ADHD began at the tender age of five, marked by diagnoses, conflicting advice from medical professionals, and familial discord over treatment options. From Ritalin to a myriad of other medications, the journey was fraught with uncertainty and apprehension. By the time I reached adulthood, I opted to forego medication altogether, navigating life's complexities with a cocktail of anxiety and obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
However, in 2018, after years of grappling with the ups and downs of untreated ADHD, I decided to reintroduce medication into my life. Alongside meditation, exercise, and therapy for my anxiety, Adderall became a crucial component in managing my symptoms. The results were transformative—I found myself immersed in literature, prolific in my writing, and achieving professional success despite my neurodivergence.
Yet, just as I found stability and clarity, the unexpected happened—the world ran out of Adderall.
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